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The Burroyd Hotel (Blackpool)

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      11.10.2000 00:06
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      You know the stereotype of the landlady clearing the breakfast dishes with a fag hanging out of the corner of her mouth? Nothing could be closer to the truth at this salubrious establishment in a back street of Britain's favourite seaside resort. From the outside, the Burroyd Hotel looks like a reasonably acceptable place to stay. There is not much parking, but the proprietors are helpful in wangling you a space nearby. Within, a bar to the right and a dining room to the left look pretty standard and, considering you are in Blackpool, you think "This doesn't look too bad." Even on encountering the rooms, you think "Well, it is Blackpool", and can cope with the slight lack of home comforts. Small and sparsely furnished, the rooms are nevertheless somewhere to kip after a hard day at the Pleasure Beach, so you can put up with there being no kettle and with the wash basin only just clinging for dear life onto the 30 year old wallpaper. Then comes dinner time. At this place, you are politely requested to be in for dinner at 5pm sharp every night - or you don't get any. In fact the option of not getting any becomes increasingly attractive as the plate descends in front of you. To put it bluntly and with no intention of being libellous, the food at this establishment is so monumentally disgusting that it would make a school dinner lady feel sick to look at it. Should you be unable to face that thought of breakfast the next morning, a helpful person will bash on your bedroom door and suggest that you come and eat it. After a bowl of Kwik Save No Frills cornflakes and a plate of grease soup with a few bits of bacon floating on the surface, you are free to go and sample the delights of the town, knowing that you must be back at 5pm to saw through half a ten-year old chicken accompanied by flaccid sprouts and gravy whose wateriness is punctuated only by coagulations of Bisto powder the size of golf balls. Advantages? It' ;s cheap. By all means stay here if you're out for a get together with a large group of mates who will see the funny side, but perhaps aim to remain inebriated throughout the whole sorry adventure.

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