I should have known better. I have no-one to blame but myself. I’ve never found anyone who describes themselves as having a wacky, zany sense of humour to be in the slightest bit amusing, and pubs and restaurants that have signs advertising ‘Good Food’ invariably defrost Brake Brothers pies to order. So I should have known that a hotel called ‘Quality Hotel’ would, of course, be nothing of the sort. My stay didn’t start well. The hotel is a pain to find and has insufficient parking space, so when I did arrive, tired, hungry and grouchy, I had to park in the Kwik Fit lot next door. As the neighbourhood didn’t look too great I was not overjoyed, but the car was safe. Check in was slow and despite pre-ordering a non-smoking room I would up in a room that seemed to have been last used by the Olympic tobacco consumption squad. On calling down to reception I was told that the hotel was full, and no non-smoking rooms were available. The smell was so bad that I simply took my bags downstairs and stood at reception, refusing to move until a room miraculously became available (apologies to anyone who arrived later and was thrown into the smoky pit of hell). The rooms were small, dark and in desperate need of new windows and plumbing, but now I had a room I needed something to eat. I opted for the room service menu which was tiny and unimaginative. The choices revolved around the normal burger or ham sandwich variety. On ordering I was told that it would take a while as there was a party in the restaurant and all the kitchen staff were really busy. This did not make me feel like a loved and cared for guest! Breakfast in room was just sad, with day old pastries, warm yoghurt and tinned grapefruit. So with a heavy heart I set out to work, knowing I was booked in for a second night. Once again no parking spot, but at least no row with reception, and my in room Walkers shortbread had been re placed! Following the previous nights experience I figured I’d get a better meal if I ate in the restaurant. Despite being 80% empty I wasn’t allowed to sit near a window as the ‘tables are laid out for breakfast’. After the waiter showed me to a table for one slap bang in the centre of the room I moved to the table of my choice and moved the breakfast dishes myself! The menu looked superb and I chose pancetta and brie crostini followed by tuna with a herb and tomato crust. Mmmmm! Sadly what arrived was bacon and brie on fried bread and tuna topped with a tomato stuffed with Paxo, all decorated with a neat ring of balsamic vinegar, and served with salad drenched in sunflower oil. Urgh! Great descriptions, inedible but pretty lettuce and splodges of fancy vinegar do not turn bad ingredients sloppily prepared into great food, and they certainly don’t justify a meal for one price tag of £20. Check out was, perhaps unsurprisingly slow and took three separate people to take my key, prepare my bill and process my transaction. I won’t be staying at the Quality Hotel in Reading again.